Feeling Sexy!

I had to think about what makes me feel sexy. Is it people, places or things? Or is it my own inner cravings that stir me deep inside?  Before my Master left the house this morning we chatted briefly about the topic.  I needed some stimulus to analyze this question.  We agreed that our M/s (Master/slave-supplicant-submissive) dynamic is the foundation of intense sexual desire for us.  When we embarked on our journey over twenty years ago, we had been vanilla marrieds until then. Our communication was on a need-to-know basis.  That is, feed the kids, pay the bills, live our individual lives and meet in bed at night for a few hours (I was a night owl, he was awake by 4:30am).   I rarely orgasmed but Master satisfied himself whenever he felt the urge.  I never refused him no matter what time of day or night he demanded sex, but I was merely a receptacle and overall numb to it. 

I believe I was about 48 years old when our nest was being abandoned by the fledglings. It was then I was overtaken by the D/s bug and could no longer suppress my submissive desires. Fast forward to the first D/s agreement and our relationship began anew.  This thing we do, Dominance and submission, is the basis for me feeling sexy.  Being accountable to my Master for all my actions, asking permission for all things, and serving him on a 24-7 basis really does it for me.  I identify as a ‘middle’ and my Sir fits comfortably into the Daddy Dom role and from this mindset all my submissive sexual desires are born and satisfied.

But I believe the question is what specific things do I do to make myself feel sexy? And what is feeling sexy? For me, number one and paramount, is to feel the role of the sexy submissive.  I have a very attentive Sir who makes it easy to feel this way.  It’s important for me to feel ‘pretty’.  Body image is something I know we all struggle with, but I do well with accepting what I have to work with.  I know I have given control to my master, but I need to feel I am in control of what face I present.  I need to feel good about myself and worthy of being loved and admired.  I need to feel that I’ve made myself look ‘sexy’.

Mascara, eyebrows, and lipstick are all under my control.  Choosing the right clothing makes me feel very sexy. I love lingerie.  But the Norseman likes naked.  This was something I had to work on getting used to.  I always feel the need to put ‘something on’. I never felt that me stark naked without the added adornments would be a ‘turn on’.  But he does.  If I came to him wearing a thong, or corset or anything he’d scold me for not being naked.  It took a very long time to wrap my head around what turns my Sir on and realize that I don’t get to choose.  I can try but it will get me only so far because my Master knows what he wants.   I eventually accepted the fact that HE chooses what goes and it’s up to ME to respond sexually.  Coupling this with being the ‘s’ in a TPE M/s, I found out that once I changed my MINDSET to that of the total submissive, that is just being what he wants, turned up the burners deep in my core (I feel it always simmering deep in my abdomen where the sensuality chakra is).  Reason is I am responding to his dominance.

Communicating with my Master can really turn up the heat.  We had dismal communication for the first many years of our union.  Today I communicate my desires by written word, shared reading and just talking.  His goal of making me feel comfortable being naked was achieved and slowly and only on rare occasion he will allow some adornment.  He loves nipple clamps and at the end of the day he has me wear them (I call it ‘nipple jewelry’) when I serve him.  Some days are hot, and some days are not but it all feeds my submissive mindset and subsequent headspace, so important for my mental state and the TPE we strive for daily.

Something that really turns it up for me is denial.  I know many will scoff and say ‘what??’ but yeah, it does.  It’s another subject entirely as to how we got into this routine which I will write about at some point but, suffice to say, this really is an amazing tool my Master uses, and it works for us.  I only get one orgasm a week as a rule.  We actually started this at the formal entry into our dynamic, and it was probably one of the most exciting tasks for me.  We weren’t sure how it would work but it did and still does.  Norseman has many orgasms during the week and if I asked for one, I am sure he would make a concession but for the most part I don’t.  Master likes to possess me, and, in my mind, I am possessed (by Him not Satan rotfl).  It’s difficult to explain at this point how satisfying it is to be ‘owned’ but for this sub it’s fantastic.  Denial really does it for me.  He won’t let me initiate sex or even touch him sexually without permission.  It’s so hot I cannot explain it.  Rivers in Egypt notwithstanding, denial works for this submissive’s sexy feels.

The photo associated with this post (at the bottom) really makes me feel sexy. This is one my Sir took around my birthday.  Women and birthdays, especially when we get over 50, can be difficult.  I would feel very blue at birthday time and would buy myself some outrageous gift as a pick me up.  It started when I turned 40.  Later I realized this was all a part of sublimating my submissive desires.  Not being satisfied in that area caused me to be sexually repressed and how many of us know that feeling.  Headlines read “SUBMISSIVE GAL MARRIES VANILLA DOM-HOW’S THAT WORKIN’ FOR YA?” in my head.  Once I ‘came out’ to him and we had our ‘epiphany’ each birthday came with more and more kink and more and more D/s lifestyle improvements.  This photo taken by my Master makes me feel incredibly sexy.

I believe the last thing I do to feel ‘sexy’ and desirable is self-care.  I exercise and eat well and wear my hair the way I know my Master likes it.  He appreciates this so much and I pride myself on being the best me I can be.  I don’t always feel pretty, or healthy or full of energy and sexual prowess but even on the most difficult days I act as if everything is hunky-dory and believe it or not it works.  The mind is an amazing thing.  If HE tells me, I look gorgeous, I believe him.  I have the luxury of being farsighted so whatever imperfections occur on my person, I see them through ‘gauze’ when I look in the mirror.  That helps.  When I began going to a gym regularly, my body image changed dramatically.  I believe it was because I was actually being proactive about aging.  My trainer would tell me that weight training and cardio workouts were the ‘fountain of youth’ and I believe him. To this day I rarely go without some type of exercise at least five times a week.  It really helps my mindset.  We are both positive thinkers and reject anger and negativity in our lives.  I am fortunate because Norseman is a real diplomat and he’s taught me to be the same.  So healthy positive thoughts and healthy physical activities are paramount for this sub’s sexy feelings.